Better Than You Thought You Could Be

This is my box.

A box. Our box. We all have it. It is something that is unique to each of us. It is our source of safety, comfort, success and reinforcement of what we do well. My box was built around my successes not only as a teacher, but as a friend, mentor, colleague and role model. I built relationships with the most at-risk, the most diverse, the most challenging, unlikeable, most-likely to fail students. I thrived on the fact that students who failed across the board, succeeded in my classroom. I could get through to them. I liked them. I took time to connect, and therefore be able to reach them on a level others could not. I was in my element.  I was successful and I felt good. I had a fabulous teaching partner who not only shared my passion for teaching, my passion for our subject, my passion for struggling students, but also my brain. The way we finish each other sentences, the way we connect when we are not near each other, the way students take comfort in the solidarity of our relationship as we bop into each other’s classroom, the way we became not only co-workers, but the best of friends- my box was complete. I had everything I needed. I knew I impacted lives. I knew I made a difference. I knew I was good. And then, someone came and opened my box….

“Coming out of your comfort zone is tough in the beginning, chaotic in the middle, and awesome in the end...because in the end, it shows you a whole new world !!

I was at lunch on a Friday afternoon. I had a great morning, a great lesson and a great day with kids. I returned from lunch excited to finish the day and head to the football game. And then my box burst open before I even knew it. Waiting for me in my classroom was my new principal. Someone I didn’t know well yet, but knew was innovative, exciting and fast-paced. He had a light in his eyes and asked me if I would consider filling in as interim assistant principal if our current assistant needed a leave of absence. I was taken back at first, but of course said yes, not really comprehending what he was saying. Little did I know that within 48 hours I would be the interim assistant principal? What a change, what a shock! Immediately I was yanked from a world of familiarity, comfort, success and confidence into a world of Twitter chats, iTec conferences, policy change, and so much more. I spent the first few weeks in a tailspin continuing to ask “do I want this”, “do I enjoy this” and “why does he think I am capable of this?” Then it clicked, slowly I saw that without even realizing it, I was doing it! I was on the Twitter chats, I thrived at the conferences, I was thinking big picture outside of my classroom, I was excited about the opportunities to bring my successes in the classroom to a wider scale. How did this happen?? I had the best job ever- working with kids that I loved, great hours, my best friend next door- how did I get into a position beyond that and more importantly, how was I not only successful, but loving it???

Where did my box go??

It hit me, on one of the Twitter chats I never envisioned being a part of. I had someone who believed I could be better than I ever thought I could be. Why he believed in me, I don’t know. Did he worry if I would fail, I don’t know. Did he doubt me, I don’t know. What I do know is that he believed I could be better than I ever thought I could be. And so I performed. I stepped up. I led in a way I didn’t know I could. It felt good. It felt natural. I was making a difference on a much grander scale than what I had before. I was not only connecting with students, but I was connecting students and teachers! Whatever “secret” some teachers believed I had as the reason I was able to have success with tough students, I was able share! I admit, I did always believe that I had a unique gift to love other people’s children as my own, but now I saw that I had a gift to get others to reach out the same way. And by the time the end of the year came, I knew. I knew that my greatest gift was in getting students to believe they could better than they ever thought they could be. And thanks to one person who believed that about me, I knew my road was clear. I could have a bigger impact. 

So I started a new journey. I opened a new box. I became the assistant principal and I felt as though new life was breathed into me. I had new purpose, I had new energy and I had new goals. All of the sudden the world was wide open and the possibilities endless. It was scary. It was unchartered waters. But I felt ready. When I look back I know the reason I felt ready is because someone believed that I could be better than I ever thought I could be. That became my mission. That became my motto. I would make every staff and student believe that they could be better than they ever thought they could be. Set the bar high. Accept no excuses. Expect that everyone can achieve excellence. That unconditional belief alone is half of the battle.  And I saw it happening. I saw what happened when I had conferences with a student and teacher together because I believed that each wanted the best from one another. I saw what happened when I sent kids back to teachers they said “hated them” and to classes where they said “I can’t do this”. They slowly started to succeed. They succeeded because I did what was done to me- just assumed they could be better than they ever thought they could be. For the staff who came to me and said, “I have 30 students and too many special ed and ELL students, can you please fix the schedule?” I instilled the belief that they could do it. I just assumed they could be better than they ever thought they could be. The response I have got has been overwhelming. The pride I take in knowing that there are students, and staff walking around a little bit taller, a little braver and a little bit more confident is worth more than any box I ever had. Who do you know that can be better than they ever thought they could be? How can you take their box?

"You Can't See Me"

For the past five weeks I have had the incredible opportunity to work in the office as interim assistant principal. The experience has been eye opening in many ways. One of my duties as assistant principal is to handle discipline issues including office referrals and kids who are sent out of class to the office. The other day a student that I have a great relationship with was in my office for the third time that week. I asked him what in the world was going on in his classes because this was not the kid I knew. His response was, "Ms. Cook- the teachers just don't see me. They don't understand. They think they do, but they only see what they want to see." I paused for a moment and was reminded of the times when my kids were really little and they would cover their own eyes and say "you can't see me".  Of course I could see them but in their world if they couldn't see me, then I obviously couldn't see them either. As I have been reflecting on that conversation with my student I began to wonder, could I really see my kids if they couldn't see me? Why is it that this student was so awesome in my class and felt as though I "saw" him and his other teachers didn't? Aren't we all "seeing" with our eyes? 

No. That is what I came up with. We do not all "see" with only our eyes or "hear" with only our ears. When we only use our eyes to see or our ears to hear we are limited. A teacher who only uses eyes might see a student with their head down because the student is lazy. They might see a student with a blank assignment because the student doesn't care. They might see a student with a blank look on their face because the student is being defiant or disrespectful. A teacher who only uses their ears might hear a student yelling and cursing because they are out of control and insubordinate. A teacher might hear a student say "I don't know" to every answer because the student is trying to make the teacher mad. In any of these instances there is no room to change behavior, develop a relationship or have a positive, lasting impact on a student. The student in my office was spot on. Some of us are guilty of seeing only with our eyes. We are missing the opportunity to see what is essential and to accept what the student has to offer.  

Why is it that I could "see" this student? Because when I see I use my heart. When I hear I use my mind. I see the student with their head down because they were up all night because their parents work nights and they have never known the security of a schedule and "bedtime". I see blank assignments because the student is confused and lacks the confidence or social skills to ask an adult for help. Or because no one at home asks them if they have homework and offers to help them. Or because the assignment may as well be written in Latin for as much relevance and sense it makes in their world. I hear a student yelling and cursing because they are angry, scared and desperately seeking control in a world where they have so little. I hear desperate cries for support, acceptance, respect and patience. I hear students silently begging for someone to make a connection, to show they care, to make them feel as though they matter. I hear students challenging the teacher to prove that they do indeed believe in the student and won't give up on them like maybe everyone else has. Just as the adults in the classroom might be guilty of "seeing what they expect to see", our students are waiting for "what they expect to happen". So often, what they expect is teachers to view them as failures, write them off as hopeless, and send them out of the classroom to be someone else's problem. Sadly many of our students have a jaded view of adults and school. What are we doing to change that view? Are we perpetuating those negative beliefs with our own short-shortsightedness? Are we willing and brave enough to reflect and change?

Thinking back, when my little one covered his eyes, he was actually right. I couldn't fully see him. To see another is to have them see you. Truly seeing someone means seeing inside of them and accepting all of them. Accepting their lightness and their darkness. Who would let you see that if you didn't offer the same? Who would open themselves up to that kind of nakedness without a trusting relationship? I can see my students because they can see me. They see me at my best and at my worst. They hear me apologize when I am wrong, or cranky or frustrated. They have seen me cry when I have lost loved ones in the middle of the year. They have heard me vent about the crazy mornings at my house with my three kids and praying that they all made it on the bus and to school.  They have heard me say "hold up- this lesson just isn't working. In fact, it pretty much sucks. Scrap it- we are done" when something I have planned has totally bombed. In short, they see me as a person. They trust that I will see the same in them.

I have very much missed my students the last five weeks while I have been in the office. I miss the opportunity to "see" and "hear" them every day. But the experience of talking with so many kids who are struggling with behaviors and relationships in their other classes has made me aware that they deserve to be seen all day long, in every class, and this might not be the case. I have opened my eyes to a bigger picture. I am looking for opportunities to support others opening up not only their eyes, but their hearts and minds. When you go to school everyday, what do you see?

"Because I like them. No- I mean I genuinely, sincerely like them."

All the time I get asked- "Junior high? How can you teach that age??" My answer- I like them. Usually that gets me some quizzical looks and sometimes a "yeah, I mean I like kids too but I still couldn't be with that many junior high kids all at once!" I get it, I really do. Junior high kids are crazy, loud, rambunctious, hormonal, stinky (until I give them the deodorant and "shower is not a rinse only cycle" speech) and run all over the spectrum in terms of maturity. And that is why I love them.

Junior high kids are crazy. That works because most days I am crazy too. I come into school most days after a completely hectic morning of screaming at my three kids to eat breakfast/get dressed/brush their teeth/get their backpacks and DON'T YOU DARE MISS THE BUS AGAIN! My kids have gotten more police escorts to school (lucky for them their dad is one of Iowa City's finest) than you would believe. I sincerely hope their comfort level in the backseat of a squad car does not come back to haunt them later in life...... But I can show up a little frazzled, a lot stressed and usually downing alternate shots of double espresso and green tea (to soothe my hoarse voice from the chaotic morning rituals at home) and really not be out of place. My students love hearing about my insane mornings and if I can throw a naughty kid story in for good measure it really starts the day off well! The thing is- I don't even think twice about sharing these kinds of stories with my students. Developing relationships has always been a strong part of my personality and I love having those trusting and comfortable relationships with my students. I also believe that coming in and sharing puts them at ease. So many of them not only have incredibly chaotic mornings, but pretty stressful lives in general for any variety of reasons. I get it. I get that they are stressed. I get that some have not eaten breakfast. I get that some are not ready to learn yet but need a minute or so to change gears. I get that some are tired and didn't get to bed early. I get that some got yelled at all morning. I get that some forgot their homework or it got lost or their baby sister ate it- whatever. The point is that I get it. And I believe I get it because I am confident enough- and just crazy enough to open my world a bit to them.

Junior high kids are loud and rambunctious. Um... that is great! That is great because learning is active! Learning is energetic. Learning is fun and verbal and sometimes loud. If you walk by my classroom on any given you day you will hear us before you will see us. My kids are moving around the room sharing ideas, collaborating on assignments, debating controversial topics, creating platforms and solutions to in-depth current issues. Junior high kids have not given up on learning or creating. Junior high kids still love projects. Junior high kids have the energy to go full steam all period long in an intense debate on the Palestinian/Israeli conflict. Junior high kids will give you everything they have- if you like them. You have to like them to appreciate "loud and rambunctious" instead of looking at it as a burden.

Junior high kids are yes- hormonal, stinky and all over the place in terms of "maturity". Lucky for me I get to teach one section of personal development. This means health class. Which means- puberty. Some of you are now shuddering in horror and imaging how horrible that must be. However- and it might be the crazy in me- but I enjoy it. I love making them squirm. I love the look on the faces of those innocent bystanders who walk in with an office pass right in the middle of the "nocturnal emissions lesson" or the menstruation explanation complete with visual aids. But let's face it- the kids need the information and they need to get it in an informed and comfortable manner. So if I can deliver with some humor and "crazy" then that is what I will do. The added bonus is being able to haul off right in the beginning with the no nonsense hygiene talk directed to the class as a whole- "You stink. You might not know you stink and no you cannot smell yourself so stop sniffing your armpits, but the person next to you can smell you. You need to shower every morning and it is not a rinse only cycle and you need deodorant. If you do not have deodorant I will get it for you. End of discussion"- It serves the purpose, they are all terrified that they are the one I might be referring to so they listen well- my students smell fresh every day:)

I teach junior high because I like them. You absolutely cannot fake that kind of affection and survive teaching in that environment every day. The kids love being in my class and when people ask me why that is, I simply say "I like them".