No. That is what I came up with. We do not all "see" with only our eyes or "hear" with only our ears. When we only use our eyes to see or our ears to hear we are limited. A teacher who only uses eyes might see a student with their head down because the student is lazy. They might see a student with a blank assignment because the student doesn't care. They might see a student with a blank look on their face because the student is being defiant or disrespectful. A teacher who only uses their ears might hear a student yelling and cursing because they are out of control and insubordinate. A teacher might hear a student say "I don't know" to every answer because the student is trying to make the teacher mad. In any of these instances there is no room to change behavior, develop a relationship or have a positive, lasting impact on a student. The student in my office was spot on. Some of us are guilty of seeing only with our eyes. We are missing the opportunity to see what is essential and to accept what the student has to offer.
Why is it that I could "see" this student? Because when I see I use my heart. When I hear I use my mind. I see the student with their head down because they were up all night because their parents work nights and they have never known the security of a schedule and "bedtime". I see blank assignments because the student is confused and lacks the confidence or social skills to ask an adult for help. Or because no one at home asks them if they have homework and offers to help them. Or because the assignment may as well be written in Latin for as much relevance and sense it makes in their world. I hear a student yelling and cursing because they are angry, scared and desperately seeking control in a world where they have so little. I hear desperate cries for support, acceptance, respect and patience. I hear students silently begging for someone to make a connection, to show they care, to make them feel as though they matter. I hear students challenging the teacher to prove that they do indeed believe in the student and won't give up on them like maybe everyone else has. Just as the adults in the classroom might be guilty of "seeing what they expect to see", our students are waiting for "what they expect to happen". So often, what they expect is teachers to view them as failures, write them off as hopeless, and send them out of the classroom to be someone else's problem. Sadly many of our students have a jaded view of adults and school. What are we doing to change that view? Are we perpetuating those negative beliefs with our own short-shortsightedness? Are we willing and brave enough to reflect and change?
Thinking back, when my little one covered his eyes, he was actually right. I couldn't fully see him. To see another is to have them see you. Truly seeing someone means seeing inside of them and accepting all of them. Accepting their lightness and their darkness. Who would let you see that if you didn't offer the same? Who would open themselves up to that kind of nakedness without a trusting relationship? I can see my students because they can see me. They see me at my best and at my worst. They hear me apologize when I am wrong, or cranky or frustrated. They have seen me cry when I have lost loved ones in the middle of the year. They have heard me vent about the crazy mornings at my house with my three kids and praying that they all made it on the bus and to school. They have heard me say "hold up- this lesson just isn't working. In fact, it pretty much sucks. Scrap it- we are done" when something I have planned has totally bombed. In short, they see me as a person. They trust that I will see the same in them.
I have very much missed my students the last five weeks while I have been in the office. I miss the opportunity to "see" and "hear" them every day. But the experience of talking with so many kids who are struggling with behaviors and relationships in their other classes has made me aware that they deserve to be seen all day long, in every class, and this might not be the case. I have opened my eyes to a bigger picture. I am looking for opportunities to support others opening up not only their eyes, but their hearts and minds. When you go to school everyday, what do you see?
